


The Edge of the Abyss

by elfhawk3



Series: Tumblr prompts [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Gen, Grief/Mourning, So much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-12
Updated: 2014-12-12
Packaged: 2018-03-01 05:15:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2760995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elfhawk3/pseuds/elfhawk3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hawke loses pieces of herself, one family member at a time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Edge of the Abyss

Tallulah Hawke has been playing lookout for her family ever since she could keep balance on a fence post, even before Bethany accidentally set fire to that boy teasing Carver. They'd moved the same day. They've moved several times since then. Young mages were prone to magical outbursts. Or at least, Bethany was. She didn't understand why her mother doesn't get angry with Bethany for it.

“I gave up my family to start my own, dear,” Mother told her when she finally gave voice to the complaint. “I'll do anything to keep the one I've made with your father together. And if that means letting him train her in magic to keep her safe from demons and templars, then moving when someone finds them out is a small price to pay. Family's the most important thing in the world.”

She'd taken the words to heart, even as she remain convinced that magic wasn't safe here among ignorant farmers and tradesmen. Anything to keep family safe.

Family was the most important thing in the world, she tells herself as strange men with swords stomp around the house, picking things up and putting them down, eyes on her, half-hidden behind Mother, Father's voice angry. One asks which friend the twins have wandered off to play with. Father vanishes away with them for months, on strange mage business, only to come back hollow-eyed and weak, strange cuts on his arms. He never fully recovered and passed away that winter, cough rattling his whole body. She wonders what he might have done to them had he not needed to protect her and mother. She's seen him strike down bears with lightning.

Family was the most important thing in the world, she tells herself as her mother weeps cradling Carver's crushed body, cursing darkspawn and her eldest for being too slow. She blames herself too. If she hadn't signed on with the king's men passing through to Ostagar, Carver wouldn't have followed, wouldn't have fought a few darkspawn and thought himself ready to take on such a beast by himself.

Family was the most important thing in the world, she tells herself, leaving Bethany behind to go on an expedition to make enough money to be safer from scrutiny. Keep her safe away from the darkspawn that killed her twin, only she returns to find her gone all the same. Young mages, still so prone to magical outbursts. If only she'd brought Bethany with her, she'd never have been spotted healing that boy who fell out of the alienage tree. She's forever making the wrong decision.

She gets a letter one day from the First Enchanter, apologizing that even though Bethany passed her Harrowing, the Knight-Commander thought it better not to have an apostate in the Circle, troubled as it already is. She pictures the sunburst brand on Bethany's face, the agony in Anders' friend's face as he asked to be killed rather than go back to being like that, and throws the letter into the fire and gets very drunk.

Family was the most important thing in the world, she tells herself, crouched beside the monster with her mother's face, her killer's blood splattered all over her, listening to her whisper about how proud she is of her, how she'll be with their family soon. Was everyone in this cursed place a blood mage? If only she'd searched the warehouse better when they were first here, they would have found his lair sooner, before he hurt anyone else.

What does she do with herself now, with no more family to protect? Magic's done this, destroyed her family bit by little bit, until only she remains, no one else to play lookout for.

Years later, when Meredith calls for the Right of Annulment, she doesn't hesitate to agree. No more families destroyed by mages and magic, no more sunbursts to lie and say the person yet lives when really they're dead inside. Let them die mages, but let them hurt no other families before they turn.

They always turn, she thinks, marching away from Anders' lifeless body after the retreating Templars.

She wonders what her mother would think, whether she'd still be proud.

**Author's Note:**

> From [character meme on tumblr](http://elfhawk3.tumblr.com/post/104973970812/questions-about-your-character)\- "Do they have an idol or someone they look up to?" Feel free to send an ask, about anyone you might be interested in.
> 
> Tallulah isn't even my main Hawke, just my "well let's see how badly we can fuck everyone over even as you play peacemaker" playthrough. (There were no survivors. Only Aveline and Donnic made it through safely, because I just didn't have the heart to not do that quest.) It's... interesting trying to find the headspace she had to have been in by the end of the game.


End file.
